sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
