She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
