Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
