I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
