We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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