No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
