her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
