im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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