you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
