It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
