I want to have your abortion
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
