How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
