Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
