Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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