does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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