I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
