he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
