I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
