Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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