her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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