that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
