What did we do last night that was yellow?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
