i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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