I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
