I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
