your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
