I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
