some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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