dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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