I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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