I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
