i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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