508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
