I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
