Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My underwear smells like fireworks.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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