I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
