if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
