Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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