no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
