I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
