I skipped work to stalk him.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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