woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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