At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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