I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
