That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Your penis caused this!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
