i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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