we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
