he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My cat gives me a boner
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
