Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
are you so shy because you have an std?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
