Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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